So cold.

i write down my emotions to let them out the bottle that i keep hidden
frm the people who i dont want to see them
and the people that i want to know, but dont kno how to form the words
using my mouth
thats why i take it to the pen
and a peace of paper
then rip it to shreds
cuz ion want those same people to know i bleed
they look at me with this happy arua around me
thinking that i forever smile....
but..
its hard to frown
when you kno that nobody wanna look at that
so i put on the happy hat
give smiles to the crowd
while.
im dieing inside
im so cold
froze.
waiting for sumbdy to melt me
give me that same feeling that i once had
but.
im numb
to to the touch, to the love,
but only cause.
scared of what could happen
if i let you in, would you stay?
would you leave?
would you laugh at me?
cry with me?
or just look at me differently?
this is why i do what i do
smoke my problems away
and drink them too.
an i kno i shldnt
keep saying i wouldnt
but. too late iv already fallen
and im waiting to hit the ground
and shatter my life
like glass. even though i live so cold....ice

Say whats real

A kanye beat..
With a Drake flow..
Another rice krispy type of treat..
Cause i can relate on both songs...feeling kinda low..
As one homegirl said..
That beat is depressing...so i made sure it played..
Cause i was more up than down..
While trying to breathe with a heavy crown..
I been a king on this tip..
T I P i am not..so stop commentin on that pic..
I could be your symptom...
Suffering from sickness of the fakeness..
From you being around that hateness..
Cause i only hate on haters..who hate on me..
But you see i stopped with all the cussin cause that aint me..
As one of my niggas said..."Dont try to be you..just be you"
So i wondered for hours outside my mind...
A fulfillment..of prophesy..cause i can no longer frown..
Smiling ear to ear...feeling the sense of life..
Living in another realm ..cause i step over that trial called strife..
Entertaining those who love to look...
And speculate without learning outta book...
Im an open book..so read verse for verse..
Scripture to scripture and dont skip any chapter..
Cause each day is another page..that i traverse...
Cant no one tell me what is real..cause im that X-Factor..
Eff what you feel..
Eff what you think..
I could care less bout that slip you had over a banana peel..
Dont really wanna be polite anymore just so yall can think..
Be knowledgeable ...yes i am better ..
And yes im conceited...breakin every fetter...
Chain..lock with ease..
Cause this is that Kanye beat...and once again...
My heart has been ceased...
So thats nothing but that Heartbreak and 808..
With a slight twist of lime..and a bit of hate..
No one..and nothing can relate to the pain ive had..
So i keep it to myself and then again...its only my pen and pad..

Dreamin with a broken heart

its hard dreamin with a broken heart cause the wakin up is the hardest part your on your knees and your hearts begging please Wishin she was still here......

but shes gone
and its hard to sleep cause
love your heart longs for
sadness filling the back of your eyes
more and more your heart dies
and at the same time you
have to say goodbye
wondering....
could you stay
and wake up by my side
cause this sad love i've allready tried
but you wont cause your gone
I thought you'd be back
but i was wrong
this pain is takin to long.

When your dreaming with a broken heart he wakin up is the hardest part


Sad Thing is I'm only
at the peek of what i thought would never seek me
pain that got my heart
Broken into pieces so at night when I sleep i keep the brokenness
and it's through my dreams i realize this
so waking up is what hunts me
so
i'm dreaming with a broken heart
and it seems like God and I only know the hardships
That causes me to know dreams of tears
Dreams of uncertainties i found since my ability to
Love got removed with every tear i wiped from my cheek

When your dreaming with a broken heart he wakin up is the hardest part....

So again Fuck it this time around
I Expand on the view
Of dreaming with a broken heart
so I pursue the terms to being happy
But happy isnt being in my terms
so my terms got turned away
Because of a few terms agreeing with
bad dreams
that made nightmares seem like terms pleasuring with daydreams
but Im dreaming wide awake
or is it Im sleepwalking
Either way it goes Im hurting
and bandages want cover the pain I feel
so I wondering who said
love is suppose to be a joyous thing

Cause When your dreaming with a broken heart he wakin up is the hardest part.....

Jus talkin. 7/31

Life is pretty effin crazy right about now, i gotta crazy confusing person that i dnt know wat to do with, i mean i love em but shit she hurt me. anyway i guess its back to the old ways HE HE HE.Well the navy thing is finally comin thru i go to take the asvab monday the physical later that week hopefully!!! then its easy sailing from there.Im jus ready to get the hell outta her i need to see new things. I think ill go to boston. lol. well thats it for now.